"Brain Injury Is ..." Brain Injury Defined By People Who Are Living With It

I feel like I am stuck on buffer going round n round ..,

The world is flying by and I am observing from inside a bubble.
Becky

My brain is like a house with doors that are locked and others are locked glass doors I can see the answers ori know it’s on the other side but getting to them isn’t always possible the keys to the locks are gone.

never being truly yourself again.... whole periods of personal history, gone, entire friendships, associations, goals, learned skills and personality traits wiped out in a second... those who have been forgotten react with anger and fear thinkin they weren't important enough to remember, now regarding you as something completely foreign and fake... while those you do remember slowly realize you are not the you that they know anymore.... your views have changed, your behavior is unpredictable, your interests no longer align, never able to fully understand what is physically outside of your mental capabilities. problematic issues define you or get dismissed as excuses like the only reason you act that way you do and don't change is because you chose not to... eventually they go, one by one, mourning the ghost of who you were, realizing that that person is truly gone.. that person died the second you broke your mind and isn't ever coming back... Meanwhile you are left to navigate the world alone. struggling to define this new identity while still subjected to the same expectations as others: keep a job, support a family, be responsible and accountable for your life, function like it never happened, like you are still playing with a full deck, succeed damnit.. like you are not dead and gone, like you are not a shadow of what you were supposed to be, a ghost on a hill long forgotten.

I miss the old me and I really do not know or understand how to live as the new me.

Life is like ike being at a play. Sometimes you’re an actor, other times just a spectator, sometimes an actor who only wants to be a spectator, sometimes a spectator who wishes they could be in the play.
Often just feeling misplaced.

the solution to our problems rest assured in the future. I was able to excite new nerve pathways in my head, neck, and inner ear (not to mention a full body analysis and self-rehabilitation), and it takes years of isolation and family support. l

listen to your body. can u hear? what cant you feel? where?

sometimes I would have to imagine postures and muscle engagement I was incapable of performing, in order to bring them back into reality. if you have been looking for a way out, you understand. you learn about life as it is deconstructed.

be smart my friends, that's all we got

evil terrible thoughts . Anger galore but I dont act like that one bit. i am a good guy. innocent but poeple think I would act on this bs terrorizing brain

It’s been two months since my head injury and I’m making great strides. The frustrating part is people and their assumptions or total denial. Ya I look good but my brain is not “Good”. I’m thankful for the over sensitive brain I have now, I see more, feel more, laugh more, love more, say more. I also hate it because I feel, fear more, hurt more, cry more, say more.

Because of my TBI , the challenges are many !!!
So are the feelings of acompishment , much more than ever before . To hold fast a priortiy these days .

The world flipped 180 degrees.

The emptiness and isolation is the worse. You try to explain your feelings but unless they’ve personally been through a TBI, they will never understand. “Now the world is gone, I’m just one”………James Hetfield

I am always scared my brain injury will show. I was very smart in math all my life, and tutored college level maths... now I wouldn't dare to tutor a grade schooler... I used to be told I had the "patience of a saint", now I get annoyed and frustrated, I loved the challenge of complex problems, now I am first level thinker and my brain won't hold the page for me to think several levels deeper, I used to program computers - that's simply a joke now as are my language skills - I get anxiety trying to have conversations and just dumb down my words and even then can't always find them.... I have a lot of anxiety that my brain injury will be obvious. It's been over 10 years and I still miss being smart.

It feels like the “ghost of your own self” in your head trying to live its life in your place, even though you’re still alive.
The you that you’ve always known, just isn’t surfacing the same way anymore…. And everything around you is imploding and exploding, and you can’t do anything to stop it, because the you that you use to know and rely on, isn’t there anymore!

I feel like the elevator can't reach the top floor or my lights or off & I am home!! I have mentally left the building! & how can you explain!! What u can't COMPREHEND!!!

it's been 3 years since I got hurt

my tbi has been a huge problem in my life. it's not something I want people to know about me, I don't want them to see me like this because I'm not comfortable with the new me.  I'm constantly trying to get back to the old me, it's been a battle. I took four solid punches to the back of the head at a house of a dude who I thought was my friend. I was held down and had a plastic bag ziptied over my neck. I was made to believe I would not be going home, that my body would never be found. I can't remember getting out of there. I can remember the people punching me having second thoughts on following through with their original intention. I remember staggering and falling against a cable guardrail trying to get back home. I remember passing out on my bathroom floor and missing work the next day. I remember waking up  confused and looking in the mirror realizing that something was missing/changed. I used to smile alot and it has been hard to do but I am getting it back.  I have a sensitivity to light, I get tremors, I get night terrors, or don't sleep, I lose balance sometimes. I can get some pretty major headaches that I never had before. I've had my fair share of thoughts of loneliness, feeling dumb and worthless, sadness.  I have felt lost when trying to explain to people that my brain is just chaotic and jumps to the worst conclusions. i get close with people and then I distance myself, because I don't know how to proceed
I realize I have a problem and I find solutions as I go. it's not easy opening up to people about a condition I acquired through violence. I want so badly to be able to revert to my original settings.  It's like a constant fog that isn't showing signs of going away.  my brain doesn't process things the way it used to. I often feel like giving up, I just haven't yet... this page makes me feel better and shows that I'm not alone, even when I feel very much alone.

Imagine you are in a maze at dusk..trying to find your way and the walls continually change..now you have to start over and over..the frustration alone is more then you can handle..the the full on anger is automatic and in split second the adrenalin
Hit so hard..you are on the ride and can't get off..when it's over and back on earth
You now have to clean up the mess around who ever was around..you feel guilty but hopeless you can't control the hulk in your head..you are hopeless to stop it..fear of this turns to panic..the heavy coat is so heavy and you can't breathe.. no one knows the shit show of tbi...forever changed different...very small things before..a tiny road block stops you cold..the the frustration starts the whole issues at the Start of this revelation..over and over
I hope in some way this could help other victims who can't explain...its hell.....true story

Trying to remember newer details feels like a pinball bumping around aimlessly in my head.