Emotional Problems After Traumatic Brain Injury

I wish I had died that day. Life has been pure hell. Nobody gives a shot. Insurance company cut off attendant dar again. 5 more concussions because they lied and said they would pay. Rotten pieces of crap. Nobody understands. They give you so. Can not even live anywhere on that. I am in my 60’s now praying I have my last fall and out of this hell of a life. Kids. They have no interest in helping me. I am a burden. Wow. Nobody is lucky to survive a Tbilisi your life as you knew it gone and the disabilities act well it falls very short. The government keeps you deeply impoverished. Meds or food? Food or a place to sleep. All lives should matter Wake up America.

Dear Kevin,

I'm so sorry that you're going through this and that you don't feel understood.. You may think no one has ever experienced what you’re going through and that no one can help you. I'm here to say that you can get through this.

Have you expressed what you’re struggling with to your family or to a friend? If you’re not comfortable talking with them or feel they're unable to understand, please consider reaching out to one of these confidential resources:

National Suicide Crisis Line (24/7)
1-800-273-8255

When you call you will hear a message that you’ve reached the crisis line, there will be brief hold music while you’re connected. Then a skilled, trained crisis worker who works at the Lifeline network crisis center will answer the phone. This person will listen to you, understand how your problem is affecting you, provide support, and share any resources that may be helpful.

Crisis Text Line (NAMI)

Text HOME to 741-741 to connect with a trained crisis counselor to talk via text message.

When you text HOME to 741-741 the first two responses are automated. They tell you that you're being connected with a Crisis Counselor, and invite you to share a bit more. It usually takes less than five minutes to connect you with a Crisis Counselor. When you’ve reached a Crisis Counselor, they’ll introduce themselves, reflect on what you’ve said, and invite you to share at your own pace. You’ll then text back and forth with the Crisis Counselor. You never have to share anything you don’t want to.

Everything you wrote is Truth, pFamily and Friendships will wither away! No one understands, not even me...

Anonymous....Im new to this, I suffered several TBI's from a car wreck at the end of June 2019...what actually could be called a fender bender although my car was totaled so maybe not. But I was sitting at a red light listening to music when a young girl slammed into the back of me, no breaking or slowing down...pretty sure she was on her phone but I guess Ill never know the truth. Anyway if I lost consciousness it was briefly but the impact left me very dazed and confused...my car was shot forward about 25 feet through the intersection I was sitting at...Im lucky it was clear of crossing traffic. But a brain injury is a brain injury...having your brain operated on is a very big deal so don't discount what youre going through..we all suffer from this...doesn't matter how we got to this point. I know exactly what you're going through..all these testimonies are the same and what Ive come to realize is it really doesnt matter how sever your TBI was..these awful symptoms affect us all. Im 55, I have a BS degree in Information Systems Security, I'm a husband and father of two girls and Im the sole bread winner in the family as my wife has a disability that keeps her from earning an income. Ive lost one job bc of these symptoms that I wish i would have been told about when It was found I had 4 brain injuries from the accident. I had no idea what was wrong with me...the fatigue, the extreme agitation causing me to go full MMA on whom ever just happens to be in my sites at the time..or Im so down and depressed I sob..for no reason. And the debilitating headaches from waking up to going to bed don't help. My wife claims she doesn't know me anymore..weve been together since 1984...and this has seriously challenged our relationship!! I almost hit her once and caught myself at the very last second, my wife is afraid of me now, she said she never saw such rage in my eyes as I had that night...Ive never once even remotely came close to raising a hand to her...and that in itself has driven my depression to dangerous levels..even my kids walk on egg shells...its no way to be and its the complete opposite of who Ive been my entire life. Now that we know whats going on, we work on it..its hard but we do. Im sorry youre so young and going through this...just try to remember its not who you are and you can change things with concentration and work with a professional. I dont know what my future holds, I can't stand the thought that I may (probably will) have to re-make "ME". That I may never be able to hold a job bc of my poor concentration, my short term memory and my inability to cope being around others for very long without becoming an butthole...only time will tell but all I (and you) can do is work on ourselves, the rest is out of our hands and thinking about it only makes it worse. God bless and I will keep you in my prayers.

I sustained a brain injury 30 years ago in a motor vehicle accident. “I” died that day, yet I am still here...it took my spirit and my very being . I miss who I was, and I loathe what I am.

I agree with you Ken Collins. I've dealt with my son's TBI for 15 years. People just do not get it, and it is extremely frustrating! Caregiver's say "oh of course I know TBI, or oh sure, i've worked with TBI" well, evidently they were not "educated" as you say properly. It is very sad.

I have TBI got it in an explosion from a bomb that exploded under the TC Seat of a M1151 Humvee up armored the best tactical vehicle in my opinion, unfortunately that truck cannot provide much protection from a bomb exploding underneath you. It killed my TC instantly and f**ked up my driver and gunner. I didn't remember a thing. F*ked me up too. I recovered eventually and suffered neck, upper and lower back pain, my right knee still has a deep gash scar that fills up with fluid. Really, not anything visible. I didn't care anymore. Oh, I forgot how to feel too. It's war, people die all the time, I remember feeling honored to fight for something I believe in I forgot how that felt, who cares. I just stop feeling and didn't care anymore. I returned home from deployment still listing to this LTC debrief our boys about how to act return to our duty station and not talk sh*t to rear det who stayed home. Everything changed. I didn't feel any different than before my injury. So I thought. My new squad had respect and love for me but talking sht at the same time. Too quickly to react when I tell them how it is down range in theater, I thought they were listening. They were more annoyed than anything more like oh sht there that guy rambling about stories again. I had my squad leader pull me aside to his bunk said some sht I couldn't comprehend much of what he was saying I couldn't pay longer attention looking passed him and all over the place the sky ground hands. Slow the fk down is what he said. People couldn't track on what I was saying and changed a subject every other moment. I was in charge of B team. My privates and specialists never seem to take me seriously and I couldn't react on how to feel or get anywhere speaking to others, I didn't care. I was having others saying why are you yelling or talking so loud when I thought I was talking normally. I took leave. I went back to my mom's house to stay for a few weeks. Man when I returned to my town, it was another war zone. I'm in my civi's and I noticed everyone looking at me. I stuck out buy didn't notice why. My mother said I needed to cut down on coffee and watching out for everything is making people uneasy around me and she also said quit cussing because every other words I say fk, pss, sht, MF, FK and rambling on sht nobody knows I am talking about. Stop being Loud, your too aggressive, Stay Stiil, can you listen to me, are you ok hello are you there? I felt something finally after like 4 months of feeling nothing. I exploded in anger throughout mom's house I can't take it anymore it was quick and it surprise her so much she was in shock then started to cry. She said what happened to you where is my son? I was like you all was just living good with no worrying about sht embracing all this freedom you got angry look around at me like some A hole punk kid that should be in school in a study of a course I give a crap about. I didn't see a future in going to a school in fact I didn't see a future at all I just want to go back to war again because I felt normal there and the only I was good at. After my leave was over and couldn't feel or act the way I'm supposed to act when mom feels uncomfortable heart broken thinking it's her fault and took what I said in outburst to her heart, I'm a born strictly raised Catholic, school boy, close to family, respectful to elders and fellow community, a nice guy, played ball in high school, I got along with others well, never got into trouble, rarely got into a conflict unless it was against my boys and family. I was known to be friendly and I had so much ambition I valued life and God. I returned to another alien world I couldn't understand Nothing was the same. People I thought I knew were disappointed pissed off and would anyone who were close family and friends and people in the middle class quite neighborhood ever thought I will be lashing back or acting that way towards my mother. They wanted me gone and couldn't wait to get the he'll out and get away from these people you all changed F You all I don't care. I didn't know how to feel. After Leave I jumped on another mission to deploy again. Medical cleared me all the redundant training again and go to go back in action. I Actually felt comfortable and at home there and didn't bother on calling home unless it was about my WILL and who's gunna my power of attorney when I died. My second Deployment received very little action compared to my previous one and man, people were looking at me like I was sick or something, this other soldier was like, you volunteered to comeback to this sht hole, you already did your time now go home and get pssy! There's sht Taliban, ain't shorty here just men, you must like men? Man love Thursdays. I was in the process of jumping on another deployment and I was already approved by the relieving unit's Commander when my request rejected by my unit commander from home. I burst out laughing uncontrollably then anger I wanted to kill him so badly I felt he was fking up career stopping a job I was good at. After my deployment ended, returned home. Then later found out why they rejected my request for a third deployment because many Joe's returned home and got sickness I didn't believe it was real, and I just figured that this sickness is a get out of jail free card that soldiers say they have to they can quit serving and get medical discharge ended their contract bid. Damn I was that guy in the back row of this debriefing saying this was way longer than my first-time coming home and sitting back listening to the VA talking about suicide and stuff! I joked to my buddy next to me and said if this session goes on any longer I'm gonna kill myself. Another group showed explaining PTSD, drugs, hitting spouses, conflict with the law! I was like don't pertain to me PTSD sht fake as fk don't give a damn. Finally I remember coming home to my mom's. I told her that it was a huge mistake that they denied my 3rd deployment. She was completely different towards me and kinda got along and used to her. I was like your son too! I got annoyed and easily angered. Throwing stuff just as quickly as it started crying uncontrollably while my mom watched. I started to get mixed emotions that at times someone should be sad I giggled and at a time I should be mad I wasn't and became very passive to things and got numb to my emotions. This is what my mother did: she gave me space just like you did and suggested to 3 months until my contact with military is expired and get a regular job something similar to your last job. My bid ended I was free and missed my team, my family military bonding, military life, no more formation and time line. Uniforms gone and I can finally see what I looked like with a beard. At the time of injury 19 turned 20. I was 20 turned 21 when deployment 2 ended gonna turn 23. I'm home I didn't spend any of that money while in action. IGot a bonus too. Ok I haven't had to experience the freedom yet. The freedom to not having being told what to do because they said so. I couldn't relate to normal civilian conversation because nobody knew what either of where talking about. I found a veteran bar and to share stories with the dinosaurs. I finally contacted some battle buddys to hang out with and without warning we started drinking uncontrollably. 1 beer 4 beers 45 bears and running an open tab they cut us off later my tab $1k oh well never worried about. My boys got hotel rooms and I stayed with them. None of us wanted to leave each other. Next day we all got women then parties all night and all day long. They were in love with us we as a group dropped over 10k in weekend like nothing and didn't care. The ladies introduced us to something I've never tried before. I tried drugs for the first time offer to my boys they tried it too. Drugs Hookers and Blow! Rocking and rolling every night. Sht felt so good like feeling that same feeling you literally dodged a bullet from a firefight and sht I'm invisible I didn't die in combat, but I also felt it's gonna end soon. My family finally got a hold of me after weeks of fun and celebration my relationship with family grew more distant. They were disappointed. They wanted me to live with my brother because I was looking sick, I got to 240lbs smelt like crap and my breath reeks of alcohol. Then they told to get a house with all that money I got. I stopped drinking and drugs. Fortunately I took my parent's advice and got a house. VA loan baby got a house! Now I needed a job and clean up. I miss the feeling that made me feel good. I had weird random flashbacks. I replayed events in that hmvvee over and over then started getting crazy thoughts thinking I should have done this spoken up stopping the hmv and do 5 and 25s situational awareness. No I got complacent and only worrying about chow at the FOB or showers. I felt guilty for the first time. Because I remember that exploded aftermath trying to figure out where I am and what happened I awoke an found my buddies moaning then I failed. Gash on my knee and it felt like water. I didn't feel it. I'm dazed cutting the gunners belt and free him from the turret looked at the driver and he attended the Truck Commander. It felt like 1hrs have went by. Actually minutes and all of gotten medical evacuation by helicopter. KIA'S saddest sht and coulda shoulda would've. Despite my minor injuries I felt normal. At this time I've been a civilian for 2 months I received a call from a buddy he said our other buddy shot himself. That's unreal. I got contact by another buddy and our other buddy is in detention center we watched the news. Homeboy Robbed ATM Technicians at gun point stole the money then got caught. Our first sgt drank pain pills then down a bottle of wine. Then after 4 months buddy of mine jumped off Tillman Bridge by Hoover damn. Look it up 2012 War Veteran Jumped off bridge. Then after things started to get normal. I remember getting fired from 10th job and felt like a failure. I didn't understand what's wrong with everyone. I hooked up this addict on the street we got into a relationship and knocked her up. My family called first it's dad go get help your not well. I didn't notice on they way I act. I'm confused didn't know what's wrong. One day happy as he'll for week then so fking guilty and sad for two more weeks then finally after my brother and this woman I picked me from the bus stop said you get mental treatment. Let me recall the events I skipped wich lead to everyone to seeing myself slowly developed into a degenerate compulsive gambler also shooting up as much meth into my veins feeling my heart racing and blamed everything on everybody I feel fine and I do what I want. Nobody ain't doing sht I got my guns. 86 myself from the various buildings. Hit my woman lost my house. Got to go to jail. Hooked on dope trying to detox wanted to die I failed my country. From hero to zero. Out of jail now bank accounts at negative balance house payment are high the house really is pregnant oh ahhh got to love that rushing feeling No more support by family all tired if my bullst fking who gives a sht about feelings fk this world I got my gat gonna take money from hajj 7-11 what's up! Fu hajj I was so amped up. I took the money and dropped my cellphone. I was so hot swinging backward then stumble to the street. Police arrived in seconds standoff happen guns drawn, my gun aim barrel in my mouth. Lights Camera Action NEWS everywhere man blinded by lights everywhere still thinking do it wuss out. I had tunnel hearing tunnel vision saw this interrogater getting help from the side saw my mom standing from the parking lot and wonder how she got here. The police got my phone found VA stuff and called mom and dad. Check out the LV Strip Standoff. I was only a couple of months away from being a civilian man for a year 6 years at State, psych ward, VA changes, Got diagnose of stuff I didn't believe was real. Veterans Treatment Court, AA, NA, and GA. From 2013 to 2020. I now volunteer as a social worker at the VA hospital public speaking about why it's important to be humble. changes happened and I never expected to get blasted caught me slipping. VA programs are there for you fellow Veterans. We all followed that cold darkened paths we think was something you're in control of and yes we are in control just learn how you live without looking back move on start something new. My mom took me hiking in Colorado helps. Oh, your gonna get emotional outbursts go through it so you know it got triggered. Go to public speaking up. Tell the doctor what you REALLY are thinking and also take a buddy or family to your psych sessions so they REALLY tell doctors what's happening. Prison saved me. It put structure back into my life also humble my stubbornness dropped my pride and got the treatment. VA Doctors are HEROS let them do their jobs.
Suicide is REAL everyone! Civilian military family. To be honest, the day I drank with my buddy I didn't seem like anything was wrong. Normal. Kills himself 12hrs later. Read these suicide prevention cards. My buddy kept talking about his girlfriend and wasn't drinking like for fun but kept saying he stays numb. I don't know if your gonna do it you're gonna do it. JUST REMEMBER
SUICIDE IS PERMANENT SOLUTION TO A TEMPORARY PROBLEM. I hope this long as stories change someone's idea about doing outside chartered action and asking for help don't mean you're weak, they do a function check on you. Like PMCS on vehicles before using it on missions. Veterans Treatment Court is very good. If you fked up like me VTC is there being Veterans gives yourself an edge on treatment rehabilitation instead of Corrections and recidivism. Non Violence probation after a year incarnation.

National suicide prevention lifeline - 800-273-8255

went thru same with my son from drunk driver. We used Superfoods Chlorella and spirulina to give brain mega nutrition so it fix itself. Hes 32 and undergoing surgery for tumor on amygdala this year and it has given quality of life. he is only subject at UCLA who is not in wheelchair or on IV o r oxygen. Plus his tumor is not growing. best of all his energy and focus are good enough for him to remain independent and work pt. look it up on YouTube

I am so sorry to hear what happened to you, But I would hold the center as well as the guardian of this person that attacked you accountable for his actions, I am worried that this will eventually happen in my situation, going from verbal to physical abuse by my son. I really hope you recover 100% and again I am so sorry to hear what happened, hang in there and do what you can to have justice served

Yes it's very hard. I just turned 38 yrs old, had 2jobs, life, car, apartment and bf. 1/2017 was my Anuerysms (2.5). I had brain surgery and tons rehab thkgoodness. My doctor say if I wasn't young the brain surgery would be a success. I lost all I had except God never left my side or me. I'm thkful to be able to talk, walk and be here. I see life differently now.