Life after Brain Injury — Learning to Roll with It

Thank you for this sometimes it feels like no one really understands this process. I am 5 years out and I feel like some days there’s just no hope. I look normal so people think I’m ok. That’s so far from the truth. Like you sleep is a an animal that haunts me every night. The pain in my head from the headaches and migraines are often unbearable. Yet I have to work to survive. All because a person decide to go down a one way street the wrong way and hit me head on. I never got the proper care I needed it’s not available where I live. I haven’t had an advocate to help me. I am trying me best. I am trying to see the positive out of all of this. I’m alive but my heart breaks for the person I was. I know she’s gone. I have to love the new me. To get through this. I am trying to find her and love her. Thank you for this post.

Well Mr. David, reading your article is like reading something that I, myself, wrote. Each TBI, as well as TBI survivor, is different, it's true. However, we DO share some similar tales. I hope and pray that you keep on rolling with it and stay strong my friend.

After suffering a life changing accident myself I can totally relate to this article. Because your body heals the TBI is always there. I have really good days but the bad days are what I call black days. The hardest thing is people close to you don't understand the black days. They expect you to be the same as you look. Healed. Not so and because of that it leaves one feeling quite alone

This that is discussed is probably going to be sum of the best truth I've seen. It's maybe that it was given to me before. I don't recall. I've been accident prone all my life. I was in a well developed state of coexisting and clear communication skills. I had mastered getting into a confrontational communications and not getting blocked and emotional because I was manipulated and the others grammar and self righteous strength mulled me over. Rather I had mastered to listen and speak back their opposing perception with the art of saying ::::: so you say this and you direct/ or refer to a direction wich means in the end you get this.... they would reply no thats not what I mean. I would apologize and explain with I saw it as I did.::::: This would happen 2 more times. I would always make sure that the reflection from my view was undeniable unless could be challanged be a realalistic documented file or by a 3 dimensional mock up or existing. So even if I was not correct. They could knock my perception down as wrong and only said with the opposing conversation, that their perception may be correct. But with no document or sculpture to prove with. They could not have the ability to explain why their way was the right way. Then the TBI. In a time that even if only a distant equaintance and completely difffrent in taste or views. I was respected and I gave respect. I was becoming known and knew the whole damb county. Now I dont really know anybody. I did not do any follow ups. I got my disability lifted by county health services the 2nd wk, so I could go bk to finishing my plea bargain labor detail charge and not go to jail. It has been ruthless. I thought ahh' in 3 mnt worst , ill be back to a normal Taylor. No" and I had no clue as to the challeanges that were magnified by my actions. That was 10 yrs ago in November. It has taken me 7 yrs to actually start looking up conditions, disability rather from such injury. For seven years I only made those disabilities magnified and no one I mixed with new anything so their comments and behavior or reactions due to how I operated, also magnified my disabilities. What could of been 7 yrs of learned habits that would help me with a flow. Was so dark I stopped trying to live. That only caused another head injury. Because I did not die. I dont have seizures or even simple black outs. I have frustration problems that become self frustration broblems that destroys my self confidence. It gets ugly sumtimes. And I suppose that is a bad TBI day and I would b better off doing the turtle rather than start knocking down what lik self confidence I have. Most likely it will help me Build self confidence.

As a PT working with TBI survivors, I'm always happily surprised when you give another "pearl" to share with my clients that are often only a year or two post TBI and still "finding their way". Thanks.

Well said! I can definitely relate with you on a TBI good days and bad days. Maybe not in the same symptoms but definite common grounds. Thank you for sharing your article, it makes me feel like I'm not alone in this world. My car accident was in 1991; I was 16 and passed a bicyclist over a double yellow line, then struck a car at 100 mph impact. I got the worst of the injuries, though you would never know it. Brain injuries can definitely be an invisible thing to the world around us and cause frustration among us through and through. My doctor, back then told me I would never be the same. I'm not. But in many ways I feel like I'm a better person.
Lucinda

So very true.

Thank you for writing this. Your words described so well, what so many of us want to say to others... I don't know why we TBI survivors feel so driven to communicate precisely what we experience to others.. So that others will understand? So that we will understand better, ourselves? I know I am not driven to share my own experience in order to gain sympathy.. Not at all! Is it for a sense of validation? Or commendation? To be identified with? Or do we share, desperately, unconsciously, asking for permission to be excused from others' expectations and demands that we can't always accommodate anymore? Acceptance? Appreciation? It's been a very long time since I've felt truly appreciated and valued. I'm not sure.. All of the above I suppose. But it seems the more time that goes by, even with improvements and accomplishments, and with challenges met and overcome... It seems that there are fewer and fewer people, even in my own 'inner circle', who want to hear... I've become fearful to share my TBI experience as it morphs over time, as TBI experience does... Afraid of being dismissed as 'needy' or attention-seeking, or just plain being rejected. Oh the weariness of not being 'normal' like everyone else anymore, of being expected to just try harder, to snap out of it, you look fine, you seem fine... No matter how hard I try. No matter how positive I am. No matter how much joy and gratitude I express for the simple things of life that I appreciate. No matter how hard I stretch myself to find new ways, new strengths, new value, new joys. It's a very lonely existance inside the head of a TBI-challenged survivor, even when surrounded by many people and loved ones. So it is strangely comforting to read your words and to know that I am not alone in my experience. Thank you. PS.. LOL! It was a challenge for me to complete the 'Symbol Captcha' below, in order to share my comment with you!! LOL! So I guess that in doing so, I have proven to still be 'human' as it says. HA! There is TBI humor to be found everywhere! ;)