Lost & Found: What Brain Injury Survivors Want You to Know

Eight years and a few months ago I had my skull screwed back together after the removal of a GBM. They got it all and it hasn't recurred, bucking all the odds and making me a medical miracle. That's great, but the combination of standard of care leaves patients with a new and different existence. Behavioral modification and cognitive impairment are expected from any brain surgery, and most TBIs. I can only surmise that my improved functioning is a product of my continuous stimulating of my endocannabinoid system, and also includes neuro protective and neuro genetic qualities. I'm still doing the PA at high school basketball games, memorizing names as I call the action. That miraculous plant has been falsely demonized our entire lives and recognizing when you're wrong is a difficult task, but cannabis and humans have a bond that is unmistakable if you're willing to look into it with an open mind.

My nephew had a TBI in 2002. he lost his sense of smell and taste. Taste returned in the first year.Sadly, he still has no sense of smell.It's just one example but you asked...pray that you have a better outcome.

Hi to all. Just wanna know if anybody in this forum who had TBI and lost their sense of smell and sense of taste??? Did you get them back? What treatment did you get? Please let me know. I had TBI 6 months ago and I'm still waiting for my senses to get back. My doctors don't have any clue and don't offer any hope.

My TBI was 8 yrs ago - run over by a drunk driver at the airport.  

Your comments have made me feel like I am not alone.  I will never meet you nor speak to you but you have probably saved me.

I lost me - I know I lost me and I want ME back!  Before the accident, picture your stereotypical sorority girl - but nice :-) - doing volunteer work at the orphanage, working full time, organizing campus wide fund raiser, and more and still pulling down a 3.8 in college (engineering).  I was everyone's friend because I LOVED people.  I loved being around them, I loved talking to strangers and hearing their life stories and learning lessons to use in my own.  I hugged everyone!  You either loved me or hated me because I was that annoying perky happy person but at least I tempered it with a very sarcastic sense of humor.

Fast forward to marriage and kids.  Still worked 60 - 70 hours a week (global team so all hours of the night and day), was homeroom mom for two kids, GS leader for two troops, GS Council, basketball team mom, soccer team mom,  and more all at the time of the accident.  And then, because some drunk decided to drive - in reverse - and drag me 18 ft, it was all over.

For six months, I couldn't sleep in any position but sitting up in a recliner due to the various injuries.  But more importantly, I couldn't stand for anyone to touch me, even my kids.  At first, I thought it was from the pain (broken ribs) but it got worse.  I couldn't remember anything and I just wanted everyone to go away and leave me alone.

I was diagnosed finally and took all the tests.  My short term memory is really bad.  I have lost entire chunks of my life - I don't remember my children's first steps or first words.  They will say "remember when we.... " and I have to just smile because I haven't a clue what they are talking about.

And people... oh, I don't like people in person.  I can still talk to you on the internet and thank God that I am "home office" so that I can continue to work, otherwise, I would be on disability.  I can handle being around friends for maybe an hour and then I have to walk away for a while.  I can't go to Target or a football game unless it is a good day.  I deal better "in crowds" than I do say Parent Sports team meetings because I have to deal one on one and they still want me to organize everything or be perky and I JUST CAN'T DO IT.

My husband was supportive for the first several years but now thinks I am faking it.  The latest round of medication for my migraines and other drugs has helped me to gain 40 lbs.  The shots for my permanently damaged knee have basically stopped working and I can't sleep or get comfortable from the pain.

He has started to call me stupid and make comments like "you really are brain damaged, aren't you?" in a vicious manner.  I can never do enough to make people happy and I can't be who I was and want to be again.  He says I am a fat, disgusting crazy idiot.  Happy 25th anniversary honey - you should be committed!

We/I bought a farm last year - 30 acres in the middle of nowhere - 12 hrs from our main house.  It was "his idea" although now he resents if I go there but all I want to do is just run away.  Stay at my farm and not see people.  Live without stress, but I can't because of my children.

I AM NOT STUPID!  I AM NOT CRAZY! AND I WANT ME BACK!

And if I can't have the old me, then I want to be left alone so that can find peace with the "new me" because apparently, we are going to be stuck with each other for the rest of our lives...

ps... sorry I ranted but I feel so alone...

Wow, I just stared directly into the mirror it seems for the first time in 12 years almost to the day. You hit the nail on head. OMG, I cannot UNread this to avoid the reality of it, it's just so overwhelming. How can I say I've made it this far? I simply can't run away from myself, so, so far, I guess my future will present itself. It just depends on "where I stand in governments hands" for where it is I will wind up. Got "in line" for housing years ago... "my future is in general population line up."

I accidentally come across this site and couldn't belieave how right on this site is.  I am the mom of a 16 year old daughter who has a tbi. She had a horse back riding accident 3 years ago and is really struggling.  She is on meds for depression, and anxiety of all kinds.  It seems like we are taking her to the doctor all the time, always says she is sick and most of the time they do find something wrong with her mostly this year sinus infections.  Anyways this isn't easy alot of people don't understand brain injuries.  She is the first one they have seen that was this bad.  Oh, at first they did everything they could for her academically from getting her a tutor to just about anything, well now it's been 3 years and they think she has healed.   She is on an I.E.P. , if she misses so many school days in a quarter they make her type reports, that's all she needs more more to do when she can't hardly finish her home work.  Even her many doctor appointments count againt her.  My husband and i have gone to meeting upon meetings trying to talk them into puting it into her I.E.P. that because of her disability and needing these doctors appointments it shouldn't count against her, well they cut the reports in half but it's still a struggle and they will not do as we ask.  Acouple of years ago my daughter had a break down at the school and she ended up in a childrens mental hospital for 2 weeks. I do realize i don't push her enough worried she will fall apart again but i am not sure how much i can push her without this happening.  She can go to school for so many days then she says she is sick or her head hurts so i call the school and try to explain but they don't get it.  Sometimes i don't get it!  The doctor at the Psychiatric hospital told my husband and I that the child that got hurt that day is never going to be the same, like that person died and now she is trying to find the new person.

Thank you for listening.....

Just like so many others have said, this is spot on for TBI survivors.  I am 13.5 years out and still trying too hard and making myself ill.  So it's a great reminder to myself that although I have always just wanted my life back it is not as simple as that.  Thank you for this fabulous article.

This is a wonderful piece of information to pass along to family and friends. I suffered a traumatic brain injury in 2003 as a result of an automobile accident. The accident was catastrophic and I was in a coma for 6 days. 11 years later I am doing well but suffer everyday living with a brain injury. What was mentioned in this article I experience most of the time. Trying to explain it to people who don't get it is very hard. Thank heavens for websites like this. Your are a blessing.

All I can ask is, "Will I ever be the same?"  The guilt, the shame and as the source of constant disappointment to everyone who knows--or knew--me is relentless, Three years already, and it's still just shadows, cinders of a person I once used to know. God, I am so tired...

What a windfall to find this forum.

I experienced a subdural hemmorage in my right frontal lobe 6 years ago. I underwent brain surgery where they evacuated the bleed and clipped the blood vessel. I have had seizure disorder since then. I underwent several life changing events within this period of my life, in the following order; pre-surgery, father died, lost me CEO job and I contracted bacterial endo-carditis. I had an aortic heart valve replacement then the brain anuerysm surgery 2 weeks later. My 1st valve operation failed 4 months post-brain surgery. My wife met another man and filed for divorce, serving me papers the Friday before the Monday surgery. I went through 3 years of talk therapy and my divorce property preceedings took 3 years to finish. I spent $200k of my retirement savings to pay legal and medical bills. I am writing this down to explain my dilemna with my brain functioning, since the brain surgery.

I cannot express these negative emotions of deep sadness with crying. I find they are bottled up inside and none of the therapy I received changed this ability to relieve the pain of the extended trauma, 6 years later. I do have joint custody of my two young boys(7&9) and received most of my pre-marriage assets back. There is a silver-lining to this TBI and that is that this condition of "muted" emotions saved me from suicide and homicide immediately after release from the rehab. I do harbor hatred yoward my ex and many people who don't understand TBI, say "forgive and forget", a decision my brain won't allow me to do. After my discharge from rehab, I had my boys and I met a new love partner(my current wife). The downside of this brain injury was that I was disabled (judged so by neuropsychologists for cognitive function) and could not find work in my field. Being in a small industry, the word of my heart and brain surgery spread quickly and some people thought I had actually died. The ones who knew I had survived were skeptical of my remaining faculties. I was stygmatized due to my health problems, long past. I won't feel completely healed until these negative emotions and release of sadness occurs.

During my time on disability, I started my own company and was prospecting for financing, which has not happened, as yet. Due to financial needs, I have been applying for work in industry that is related to my previous industry. I will decide on the future of the company if/when i get a job offer that I want to accept. I have two opportunities currently presenting themselves that may land me a well paid job in the next month without being required to relocate away from my children.

I don't believe I am limited in my cognitive abilities, as evidenced by my development of this new company. I do get mentallly tired easier, but do not haveoutward symptoms described in the various forums or medical websites I have visited.

Does anyone have information on the long term effects and PROS and CONS of using PEEK Cranial Implants?

Thanks, I am tbi and suffer from seizures for over 20 yrs. now.   Main thing I hear is why do you lay around in afternoon or get sick so much. I try to ignore what people think, but it reallyhas  bothers me over the years.

7 months ago I fell. TBI diagnosed with ADHD also discovered. I am not, nor expect myself ever, going to be the same.

I'm glad to read this.  It reminds me to give myself a break.  I'm very very hard on myself. . But I can't remember which way to turn to get from the grocery store to my friend's house. (Yes I've passed my driving test since my injury.). People think I'm lazy because I am on disability.  I don't remember anything I read.  It's depressing as hell. 

After a month long state of severe headaches and a clean cat scan which should have been done with contrast, my cerebral venous sinus thrombosis caused Sagittal sinus to burst do to a clot. At 33 always exercising and eating healthy not smoking this is what happened. Somehow I survived it and appear to be ok physically. I just suffer from soreness and my stamina isn't the same. I never got tired or sore from the gym. Now it kicks my butt. 

I am not Faking it!!!!

I am so glad to have found this site. I suffered an anoxic brain injury when I was 19. My personality changed. I wasn't diagnosed with a TBI for over a year. I was fortunate to have had therapy and been shown some useful tools to help me with my everyday life.

Wow, I am so grateful to have found this website!! I have been doing so much research after I got hurt. I had 2 concussions within about 3 weeks of each other in the late summer and early fall. One severe one to the front of my eye/head and a mild one to the back of my head. A lot of my symptoms were pretty delayed, not presenting themselves for weeks after I got hurt. Now I struggle with all my symptoms and I have recently developed odd  pressure and a stutter. Some of my friends think I'm faking, but I wish I were. I have no control over the stutter and it's inconsistency. My scans show nothing and  I just want to be seen as who I am, I don't want this stupid brain injury to define me, I don't want to be pitied, I just want to be me. This site looks like a huge help, and hopefully will help learn more about my injury. If anyone has any adivce to this exhausted college kid, please feel free, I need all the support I can get these days. ~Robin

Thank you for the comments ! Its been five years since my wife had her brain tumor removed (we are the lucky ones) THE SURVIVORS !!! Sometimes we can forget ! or just get caught up in the daily grind of life and after all the stressful situations we faced as a family, We can forget that we are very lucky to get through this very tricky stressful time of life These are life and death situations (There's no instruction manual to follow) Just survival mode I know my wife now suffers from pain (i admire her determination) We are all picking up the pieces and trying to get back to that place we once called normality Be positive and you will find a good place The weekly Neuro physio Trips have and still are very helpful (Thank you Nikki x) i suggest anyone who has has surgery find one of these amazing physio's, They can help Also find a Doctor who deals with pain (if required) The British Pain Society Reading some of the stories (not all as i am probably the most impatient man on the planet) has given me a new insight in the way my wife feels i am sitting here writing this feeling very selfish, as i have been given a gift of keeping my wife alive, and all i have been doing the past few days is getting grumpy and feeling lonely due to the fact she needs her rest and the situation that has landed upon us (I am am truly sorry ) We have just moved house and for a person who has not dealt with TBI that can be stressful enough ! She is the most amazing strongest person i have ever met and i love her deeply Now i need to remind myself, that even after five years she will continue to need the patience and support required for a TBI survivor (i will find this patience from somewhere) She is my everything and i would be lost without her xxx For my wife Keely x

I'd love to know if anyone on this site has suffered a brain injury and completely divorced themselves from the family who loves them. My niece is recovering from a brain injury and has chosen to remove me from her existence. It breaks my heart each and every day and I am trying to better understand why and to remain openhearted to her needs. The pain for me is that she allows others into her life yet not me, the Aunt who loves her so very much. Your insights are very much appreciated.

You know, Ive had TBI problems and concerns that I feel that NO ONE understands. Even me. I even had a stroke because of one of the surgeries, its hard to even try to try. But after finding this article. I no longer feel alone. And now, all those 'petty' 'laziness issues' and 'lack of will power' is finally explained by this article. I am very thankful for this post. And wish my fellow SURVIVORS of TBI the best of luck. We've all made it this far….there is no point in giving up!

I also was discharged from the trauma center and all my papers said was when my next appts. were with the trauma doctors. It'll be 10 years in Feb. and I'd give anything to talk with someone that actually understood the intensity of loss of ME I feel and how frustrating and scary too life is now. Im so tired. So blah. So insecure because of the cognitive losses and almost complete inability to form long term memories. And I rock a lot. It's awful. I've hsd panic attacks for first time and my claustraphobia is worse. I'm alone 90 to 95%!!!! I'm lonely now.

Hi This is James again..the long story below..!! Just a little update and what it is like to live with this condition 10 years later and well into working with it. I have not been able to work at my bench jewelry projects for about three weeks now..I also had to deal with anxiety attacks to the point that even my breathing was affected. Felt inside of myself that I was just going to explode emotionally. I could not get a handle on this condition...I have never felt anxiety before...I of course did not sleep well the past three weeks and got little very much needed work done. I did hide these emotions inside myself and kept the world from knowing.. I did finally get through to my wife about TBI..we had a fight and when I said I had TBI..she laughed and said No way.!! you had a little mental breakdown.. Well I was ready for that statement this time and challenged her since she knew to just go on the internet and compare TBI with a break down and get back to me. She came back to me and had to admit I was correct and was sorry for how she has treated me all these years. She finally gets it about my condition..she did some research and thanks to this site as well as another site and all the information today to pull from all over the internet. She still does not understand what I deal with, but at least is trying..I copied the page here on what NOT to say to a TBI survivor and some other info here. The information since the Afghanistan war bomb survivors and some sports stars have come forward to help educate the public has increased over the years to what we have today. I guess I have been pushing myself to hard again and broke down..I label it a melt down. The mind is so similar to the computer..it also crashes,boot ups,slow response times, Re-boot and so on.. I use the computer to link to..to be able to explain myself and how I work.. Keep your chin up and work beyond the current challenge as I do. Wish there was an easy fix answer..There is not..!! But I hope you have compassionate and understanding friends and family. That has been my greatest challenge. James