We are in the process of transitioning my 9-year-old son from a traumatic brain injury rehab program back to public school. Some have asked that I share this letter that I wrote to his school, with the chance that it could help or inspire others. If it helps one or two, I am happy to do so.
Dear Teachers and Administration,
As we transition Timothy back to public school, I want to thank you in advance for the care and love that I know you and the entire staff will give him. As a mom who has witnessed what he has been through in the last year, I admit, I am nervous! (yes, sorry I may even cry some..) Through this process, I have been forced to trust others that they will take care of him as their own. We have come so far from a year ago where the medical staff said progress would be slow. Day in and day out, we watched helplessly as he cried from head pain, struggled to remember basic facts (birthday, last name), and walked in an unbalanced stupor.
So…..here we are, a year later; we’ve all been changed by this event; as most crisis situations will do to a family. It took me a long time to fully admit that my child had a “Traumatic Brain Injury.” A “concussion” sounded so much easier to accept and understand.
The reason I write is to ask you to educate the kids, and even the faculty. Many do not know or understand what happened to him, if he is “normal,” or how to treat him. Traumatic brain injuries are not obvious. They are not like a broken leg that gets put in a cast. They are obscure and the process of recovery is usually very long ... and recovery is subjective as some strengths are never fully regained. I ask that the children treat him normally. They can ask questions, Timothy is pretty open about his injuries and his struggles; however he, like everyone else in life wants to feel normal, accepted, and confident. Brain injuries can steal those qualities in an instant. He will struggle to adjust back to public school, he will get frustrated, he will shut down; after all, he remembers who he was before his injury. He is keenly aware of his deficits, tries to compensate as best he can, but there are still many areas, both cognitively and physically that are still compromised.
Please accept him as he is, help him feel good about the child he is today even if you remember who he was yesterday; and keep in mind the inner strength that he has shown through all of this. At the end of the day, please remember that he is just a 9-year-old boy who has come through more than many of us can truly understand.
I know you will take good care of him, we thank you for that. Please don’t be surprised if I bring him on day one, get him settled, then run into the bathroom to cry ... this has been a long road for all of us.
With sincere thanks,
Karen T.
Comments (27)
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Katherine Lit i replied on Permalink
Dear Mom, Teachers are all different kinds of people. Some of us have brain injuries too and we are going to teach your son that is ok to have a brain injury in our classrooms, because we do, and that we might have to work differently to achieve our dreams, but we can still achieve them. We will set an example of self-care while managing in this world and we will really understand when your son is having a bad day. Signed a teacher who gets it.
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My now 12year old son is a 5+ year survivor of a severe TBI. Your letter is amazing. I wish I would have wrote one to his old school. He was broken down, bullied, and made to feel "stupid". He didn't make much progress past his one year eval. We moved and changed school districts. He is now an A/B student, with some friends, and a support system at school that understand TBI. It is sooo important to educate on this invisible disability. Much love and strength to your son and family!!
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Beautiful. Thank you. I'm 10 years from TBI at age 30. I wish adults with TBI got to have loving letters like this too. I'd pass them out as leaflets to all who love me. I believe in your family and very much your son. Usually I have trouble being inspired by the stories of adult TBI surviving. I usually can't even use the word, survivor. It's really lost on me. Because like your boy, I too remember the person I was before the car accident. And that 30 year-old is gone. She changed. I miss her. But because your son could've been my son... it's easier to relate. Lately I've been able to finally communicate... I get angry when I get confused. I never had so much anger in my life. My TBI is right frontal lobe and pre frontal lobe. Executive function loss and troubles with visual learning. I am federally disabled. I was at the top of high functioning when the lady hit me. Ivy league and ready for think tank work and marriage. But it's gone. In an instant I'm an atheist... friends leave.. better friends stay. I live with my parents now. I use many games and audio books. I still read a lot of books about faith and theology. I don't like TV very much. I like comedy, cartoons, and gardening... anything beautiful and peaceful coexistence. Simply put... images of human emotions... film tv photography are difficult for me. I share maybe it helps you with the anger spikes and empathy-loss that is universal to many TBI. Pets help empathy. And kids. Anger was not my default setting before. I'm a young woman, you know? It's embarrassing when I get a tantrum. At times I just need to vent out loud and not to doctors and therapists. You are right the process is slow. Altogether too slow. PTSD slows it down more. I confide... I'm really glad I get mad before I get sad. Because anger motivates me. Crying does not. I'm really sorry that you got handed what my mom got handed. I'm much closer to my mom now. I love her and my dad... it's so fun to make them laugh.
Peace. And respect,
Sonja
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K, as a friend from our boys preschool days, and knowing your Tim from "before" his accident, I pray that he will transition with a whole lot of extra love and care around him. We too know only to well about illnesses in our children that are not visual, and take many years for full recovery, I feel your pain and know how hard it is as a parent. We will pray for Tim these 40 days of Lent and hope that all goes well for all of you and him. Don't apologize for the tears, they are healing waters for all of us. Peace.
C
P.S. we have the Roscoe connection.
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Karen, Thank you for sharing. Anthony told me that Timmy graduated from the program ..... That is great. So glad to hear it. I will keep you and your family in my prayers. I hope to see you soon.
Jenny P
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This letter has touched me at so many levels. On April 2 it was 12 years since my daughter's TBI - she was 15 years old.
When all medical professionals believed my daughter would remain in a coma/vegetative state I did not believe them. Unable to communicate, eat or walk all I had to do was look into her eyes and I saw life but her brain needed time to heal. If my daughter remained in the facility her care would have been palliative care...a death sentence.
Eight months later when she was still in a coma/vegetative state I brought my daughter home. I cried behind closed doors knowing that I could not remain in that state because this is a LONG journey.
2 years after her accident my daughter began speaking and then she was able to eat food again versus g-tube. To date my daughter lives in her own home with 24 hour supports which I manage for her. She is still unable to walk and only has use of one arm...but she is thriving. She has a boyfriend, she lives in her own home and she is part of our community. She is not segregated to specific programs for people with disabilities...she has her own social connections.
Thank you for sharing your letter.
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I thank Karen for writing her letter and BrainLine for posting it. Only recently have I begun to come out of my fog, gratefully with ever increasing frequency.
Discovering; understanding, digesting, accepting - only to then begin to move forward. This has been my process - after several head injuries during my life time.
I am so grateful for somehow having stumbled upon these resources. Sadly, no one - not medical doctors , therapists, hospital administrators... ever mentioned resources available to help me navigate my difficulties with head injuries.
I am deeply grateful for being able to read about the journeys of others and their families. It helps.
Chris Jay
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