Starting or Nourishing Romantic Relationships After Brain Injury

Thanks for the article
Been with my bf a year this Halloween and I know he has his brain problems. He used to play rugby and has had around 14 concussions. He is 36 and works 17 hour days and never gets rest. We are an amazing couple and I love this man. When he triggers it’s bad. Work triggers him immensely and sometimes I do
I can say something wrong one day or we have an disagreement and he will take it out of perspective and flip and say I don’t love him. He will say he’s not good enough etc and make it sound like our relationship is bad
The next day we always talk and he cries and holds me and says he can’t live without me and he’s sorry his brain is whack. It is scary even he says he’s scared he will be like these nfl players and kill someone or him self.hes an amazing man. He is hardworking and loves me. This past Thursday I could sense it and he did start drinking after his 17 hour day and we did fight over something I had said. I kept on fighting and I tried stopping but he was in his head and it gets to yours too. The next day after this fight which was 2 days ago we did talk and we r fine now. I’m learning as a partner to not keep fighting after he says mean things and it’s hard. I’m a crazy Italian and I spout out the mouth. I have gotten so much better. I love him and I’m trying to be there and let him know that I am here for him. It’s tough and he gets insecure and he even had suicidal thoughts And it’s happened every argument we have when he triggers. We have had probably six bad arguments when he’s having a bad day with is mind. Sorry I’m rambling I don’t really talk to anyone about this. We r great and it’s a learning process and I know it’s probably going to get worse as well but I’m trying and I’m by his side.
Sorry a long comment and scattered. But I don’t talk to anyone about this and this helped

I'm dating my BF of almost one year. In 2002 he received a TBI. We started dating in August of 2016. I had no idea how TBI was 24/7.Living with someone who has TBI can be so unpredictable. One minute he planning a future, the next he thinks we shouldn't be together bc he thinks I'll eventually leave him anyway. His ex wife cheated on him so now he has these thoughts that I'm going to do the same thing. He says he can't get those thoughts out of his head. He says he loves me one day nd then the next he says its too hard to be in a relationship, then the next day it's fine. We moved in together about 4 months ago. Does a person with TBI need more time to be alone? He blames himself & what happened to him as reason to not continue on those days. He says "I'm a loner-I was meant to be alone". Yet this man pursued me for a while until I went out with him. It started out so great. I feel like he was trying to hide a lot of what is going on inside him. I told him I only want to help him. He thinks I'll get sick of him. It's like he wants to give up bc he doesn't want to get hurt again. I just started researching about TBI. He seems so happy and energetic one day & the next he contradicts a lot of what he said the day before. Do I give him more space? Do I keep letting him that I do love him & I'll stand by him? I would never hurt him. Help. I really feel in my heart we make a great team. Can I help him get over those obsessive thoughts?

I am only just coming to the realization after 3 failed relationships that it is not possible to have a supportive relationship with TBI. TBI is worse than a life sentence. It ruins everything good. It's too hard for AB people to understand the need for rest and sleep and to live with the constraints that we have to to be able to function, survive and work. I'm tired of having to apologize for being punched in the head multiple times during domestic violence. Life for me ended on that day. This is worse than being dead. It's like being tortured slowly daily knowing you will always have to be alone.

My son has a TBI from birth. He's the sweetest guy I know. Very calm and laid back and he just turned 21 and he loves women but wants a girlfriend so bad he often moves to fast. He doesn't understand that he needs to get to know a woman and date her before he can claim her. lol. It makes him so sad when girls don't like him. And it makes me sad too! Because I know if they knew who he really was they would love him. If only one girl would be patient with my big handsome guy...😏

My relationship with my girlfriend at first was good. But about 6 months in, everything I say and do is scrutinized. I work too much (average 44 per week), everything I say. I am at a point that I am afraid to speak, then it is turned on me because these things hurt me. Or I try to rationalize, no baby I work, I work from home and that does not help. I am so frustrated, hurt, confused. Even though deep down I know not everything is my fault, hearing that everyday is taking a toll. Help me, I do love her. I am female also.

I am one year married to a man that I dated over 20 years ago. We reconnected, dated for 5 months, were engaged and married a couple months later. I knew that he had a TBI about 8 years prior but didn't really understand the effects. It's been a wonderful, yet challenging year. My husband can be very sweet and compassionate with me yet say horrible things about other people. His mood can sometimes turn negative and he is difficult to be around, almost irrational in his views. I am trying to learn more about TBIs and their long term effects. So far finding this site very helpful.

I married a man that has a TBI and I did not know it at the time.  If I had known what I was getting into, I would not have made that move.  We have been married almost four years now.  His short term memory drives me crazy.  His emotional outburst are extreme and violent. He has little or no emotions, like laughter.  Just flat. He does not want to participate in outside activities that I and others enjoy.  All he wants to do is watch ball games, police movies or WWII on tv.  It is really frustrating. I feel very alone.  We don't talk.  We don't even go to bed at the same time.  He sits up with tv until wee hours every night.  He won't consider going to counseling.  And, he has a gambling addiction.  I don't know what to do.  And, by the way, ours was an arranged married by a minister.  I only knew him for two weeks before I married him.  I feel stupid.

My son was born with a developmental disability. At the age of 20 he was in a crash that resulted with a TBI. He is on his 3rd relationship since the accident 3 years ago. His girlfriend manipulates him into spending enormous amounts of money on her ($800/weekend ). He is unable to recognize that she is using him. As the parent of this 22 year old child, what can I do?

I am having a hard time finding any information dealing with overprotective relatives "ie" sisters. They meddle into every crevice of our relationship. The are constantly making up and spreading bad rumors about me. They have set my fiance up with an astronomical amount of money. Then accuse me of being with her to take it from her. In reality when I met her I didn't even know she was set up with money I just fell in love with her. They are completely narcissistic in their accusations against me. I have spent every bit of my money to take care of my girl. I love her dearly and want to be hers forever but feel such an impact on my nerves I don't know how to handle these interfering relatives. Does anyone have any advice?

My husband and I have been married for 13 years.  We are now separated.  He sustained a TBI in 1991 and I met him in 2001.  We married in 2002 because we were pregnant, and he really wanted to try and make it work because he said he had never loved anyone as much as he loved me.  During our 13 years, he frequently reminded me that we were in this for our child and that we were working toward our relationship becoming more complete.  This affected me over the years, but I chose to let it go.  At the end we were in counseling, but it was too late, he was no longer in love with me.  For the last 1.5 years, we have been pretty much platonic (a lot because I wasn't into the sexual side of things) which I blame myself for and being on Zoloft didn't help.  When I speak on the phone with him, it's as if he is a stranger.  He is now focused on only himself and doesn't have to answer to anyone and this is how he wants to be.

I just got into an argument with a woman I was dating who has a TBI. I knew nothing about TBI before I met her. I wish I had known more about it before we started dating. I've learned that what they are thinking isn't always easy for them to communicate. Be patient with them...it's nearly impossible for me not to try to put myself in her shoes when she's at her worst. The depression of my own life and the emotion I directed towards trying to help her...it wasn't healthy. I'm realizing for me it was more about trying to make her life better trying to make her happy taking on all these feelings that I shouldn't. It's not healthy to think that you're the reason why someone else is happy. My advice to anyone with a TBI or dating someone who has one is to spend the first part of your relationship learning about how a TBI affects someone. Without that I think it's nearly impossible. It's very hard for some of them to communicate what they are actually thinking and that can cause lots of problems. It's going to take me a little while to get over this

I recently started dating a man who was born a "forceps baby" and suffered a skull fracture from the doctor who delivered him. He is a decent man and I very much enjoy being with him, but I definitely want to learn more about his disability so I can be the partner he deserves. He told me about his last relationship which didn't end well. He got severely depressed and was suicidal. I'm definitely concerned that he will have difficulty should we argue or things don't work out. Any suggestions are welcome. Thank you!

Dating someone with TBI can be hard. My boyfriend's emotions are up and down and each day I'm not sure what sort of mood he will be in. Some days he's really good and he's funny and really shines. Other days it's hard to identify causes but he will be cross and easily frustrated. Feel like I'm continually on egg shells with him. Don't always voice my own opinion as it can often lead to conflict. It's a confusing situation for both of us, but I won't walk away. It's his TBI, not him. I'm hoping as time goes on the angry/frustrated days will become less frequent...

I'm dating someone with TBI and where long distance as well and its been very tough because I feel like I have to watch everything I say without him feeling disrespected which causes a lot of fights . I'm very new to this and in trying to understand but is it normal for them to constantly crave attention ?

I agree with the previous poster's question "how can I know if the behavior is due to the brain injury or just negative personality traits?" I really struggle with this with my husband. He suffered a TBI 12 years ago at age 15 and I knew about from the first day we met 6 years ago, but I feel like I really didn't know the full extent of it until after we were married. I really do love him and we have 2 children together, but I can't tell if some of his behavior is from the TBI or it's just who he is. I've tried coaching him over the years on proper social norms and encouraged him in different areas, but he is usually resistant. I feel like his short-term memory is getting worse and I am starting to lose my patience.

This is good advice. Wish I'd adhered to it some hours previously, prior to entertaining/ blindly walking into an argument with my TBI fiance! I've learned so much patience through loving him but sometimes it's just not quite enough. And the debates are always so unreasonable and one sided. The majority of the time I concede and allow him to get his own way (not wanting to upset him). Tonight I'm absolutely at my wits end and I feel so sad and guilty , like I've let him down. Fingers crossed tomorrow will be better