What Happens to Relationships After Brain Injury?

I Have Tried To Have RelationshipS, After My Head Injury, To Find Myself Not Understanding,Irritable, And Just Difficult. Who Wants To Be Around That. I Have Found That I Have Even Becoming Controlling, Depressed, Suicidal, And Hate Myself. Its Been 4 Yrs Since My Accident. I Can't Cope With Any Stress. Not Sure If I Will Ever Be Able To Sustain A Normal Relationship.

im 7 years in and have lost everything my life my family and my wife heading to divorce soon and then a nursing home oh yippy what a life 

I have a tbi and I am 19 and at UK, do NOT get embarrassed or annoyed or angry with people who have traumatic brain injuries. We can't help it, plus we almost died. My family is embarrassed of me often because I say things that aren't appropriate. My wreck made me change, and I hate who I am now, but can't help it.

Relationships after brain injury? I am more than 25 years into being a survivor of TBI. I had multiple brain injuries but one was the big one that caused years of frustration, sadness, mania maybe due to docs acting in good faith but treating the wrong thing. For this, i am not angry at doctors just very disappointed. I'm more angry that I lost my life in the brain injury and i remember when I woke up, the nurse sounded so happy and ran to get a doctor, but most days I wish that I had never woken up. Well-meaning people point to me in pictures when I look happy and say "see, you were happy here, but to me I do not recognize self in these pics; it as if I were putting on a show just so people will pass over me and not ask so many questions. The biggest thing tha caused me problem was that I could not gauge sarcasm.and still struggle in this area. And if topics are changed suddenly, i feel like a real phony. I feel delayed in keeping with the shift. I feel as if i were playing along only to not look dumb. The hardest part for me has been knowing how many people I let down and how many hearts I have hurt. I am in constant grief. I wake-up almost daily grieving what might have been if I were never injured. Another difficult area is that I have been told that I look well and seem "smarter". I have been told numerous times that I have high IQ. I also look good.  well, not so much anymore and actually in a strange way I want to look bad. you see I have the ability or had had the ability to attract many people. But this later end in sudden break-ups and I have little "feeling memory". I could tell you facts about what happened or what was said, in fact, this part of my memory has seemed to improve, well, not so much now as I am approaching old age and have much of the normal memory issues. I remember much about my mother's funeral, but felt i experienced nothing emotionally and this was not because of some sort of denial or psychological defense. I am on my way to get married in the near future but I feel my future spouse is very frustrated with me. Sometimes, i think she may be embarrassed by me and her family seem very distant from me. People tell me a lot that I just don't add up and i can feel their frustration but I do not process what this means to them. The fatigue was the worse part for the first year. I spent most of it just staring at the ceiling. Doctors treated my "depression" which was not an untruth because I was in major depression. I enjoyed nothing. I never looked again at a "ski" magazine and I had been so into skiing. I remember going once after my injury and I could actually ski well, but I had no passion anymore for the sport. I faked a passion because because I knew that it should have been there. I "acted out" very few times and when I did I felt great remorse..It was probably because I was a peaceful person before, but I did not become a yeller and most people felt that I was very easy to be around until I acted "pensive" or said something very inappropriate. Many time i would just repeat something that I just heard or read and people thought they were my feelings. I think here is where we arrive at the the biggest problem. Poor mutual understanding which leads to arguments or fights that should never have taken place. .But most people said it was that I became isolated and they missed me or felt rejected. The anti-depressants helped me to work again and I ended up working in my profession, but I was oblivious to the office games and as a result usually passed over or dismissed in some way even though I had good evaluations. The problem with TBI and PTSD is that they are not well understood by the general public- not even doctors understand and another big problem is that I think people understood/understand and then find out that they didn't or do not. My religious friends who I respect, think that it is a result of a sinful life style.  My brother who has strong faith sees it all as being spiritual. This makes me want to avoid him and this makes him think that I am rejecting his faith. I decided to be born again for two reason- one I knew that I did live a sinful life style and was remorseful and needed to repent regardless of reasons for my misbehaviors and I feel that there is a god  and two because I wanted to fit in more and be accepted by society. But getting accepted by society has not happened and it may never happen. This saddens me on many frints. One is that I have many gifts that are going wasted. And two I find life meaningless without being able to serve others. It is safe to say that I wish that I never woke  in Dec. of 1991. I like the person who wrote that pity is feeling sorry for one's predicament and empathy is taking action. I have learned this on a deep level; thus,  i am very good at "acting" upon other's problems, but when their problem is over and they do not need me, they usually find me as being socially a problem to have around. Who has understood? Usually a combat vet or someone from a developing country or a child or a very old person. An example would be my daughter's older sister who was about 8 years and and she cried in hysteric fashion after seeing the movie "I Am Sam" about a mentally challenged adult. I asked without a clue, why she was crying so much and she said because I was like Sam and that made her sad. And ironically, the "uneducated" accept me more.So getting old and less physically appealing and having memory problems and mood changes is much easier as I can more and more blame it on age. I wish that I never saw a doctor.

I am an occupational therapist and have worked on a Brain Injury Team for inpatient Rehabilitation and for outpatient therapy.  I also am involved personally with a young friend, now 19 years old, who had a brain injury when she was around 12 years old. She is dealing with a lot of relationship problems and some difficult barriers transitioning to independent adulthood.  I was just reading through the comments from this article and noticed many struggles expressed, but not a lot of answers.  I do recommend cognitive evaluations by a neuropsychologist to help you understand changes in the way you process information.  I also recommend seeking out a brain injury support group to find resources for counseling by appropriately skilled therapists regarding relationships and changed roles and responsibilities.  A support group also is a good resource to realize you are not alone, and you are not crazy.  This is helpful for the person with the brain injury and the caregivers/loved ones.  Personality, communication skills, information processing, ability to accurately evaluate yourself all are apt to have changes after a brain injury.  Understanding yourself and your loved ones is so helpful.  Be patient with yourselves and your loved ones- both as one with TBI and family/friends/caregivers.  Seek out support.  This is a hard road to travel alone, but with support and skilled resources, can turn into a beautiful journey together.  

my wife suffered cardiac arrest seven days after our second child was born, i saved her life. although she survived she suffered brain injuries after having back to back seizures for three consecutive days (one after the other every minute) must have had close to 3000 seizures in a row until they finally subsided.  her memory is shot, college education is gone, never talks about her past life friends, family, etc., and to top it off she has no motivation for anything. its been THREE years now.  i am still here but barely hanging on. my kids are suffering thru this to as my wife is not able to be a Mom to our kids. she cant take care of herself either.  thru all of my sacrifices, she still is combative harsh and abrasive with me. it hurts. after all of this time, she doesnt know what i have done for her. i am sad and wanting to go. this isnt how our lives were supposed to be. i want my kids away from the crazy talk and abrasive combative behavior, but i dont want to take them from their mom.  i dont think its fair that i might have to take us out of here to protect the kids well being and self esteem etc...i know i have to do whats best for us, i am just hanging on thinking that she will come around, but when???? will she come around? i dont know? is this chance worth it? i dont think anything will change, just maybe over time she will chill out hopefully. i just want my kids to be happy first and foremost.  life is cruel. oh yeah, i get no help from anyone too. no one calls us ever!!!!!!!!!!!!

My husband had an accident in 2012, he suffered major body trauma and head injury. A concussion, they said. They said it would heal in time, it was not serious they said,  but they did not say that we should watch for these changes: Inability to concentrate. Memory issues. Anger issuse. Headaches over two years later. Inability to be around crowds, noise, etc. Anxiety issues. Risky behavior such as drinking which he rarely did before. He says things now that contradict themselves. Has trouble remembering conversations and what was said. They did not tell us this might happen that it might cost us our marriage. He asked me for a divorce last week. Why? Because I know the man he used to be, and he is not that man anymore. He feels he needs to reinvent himself as the man he is now. He has not accepted himself as he is, even though his family has. He admits that this is him, not me or our family, he still loves me/us...All of this tracks back to that horrible day.... WTH? 

I am a man who has fallen in love with such a wonderful woman with a TBI. I am trying so hard to understand and adjust to her condition. I make her soup when she is sick, I massage her feet with oils. I write her love letters and bring her flowers to bring some joy into her life. I have some familiarity with this because I was married to a woman previously who had moderate ADHD. We were together for almost 40 years. I am trying so hard to be loving and patient with this woman but perhaps I am too sensitive. One day she calls, then I don't hear from her for days. When we are together, she is always rushed and need to do many erranda. I certainly feel the love she has for me but she is reticent to express it, admit it to herself, and to me. Love is a two way street and I also need the emotional feedback of a loving relationship. I patiently wait but how long can I wait? I have offered to meet with her therapist to better learn more about how I may adjust to her condition, and how to bring us closer together. I have to admit, many days I am quite sad about this but loving her will keep me hanging on. I will not run away from this. I wish I could talk to someone as I feel quite alone as she mustwith her TBI.

I had no idea that forums like this existed. I was previously in a severe car accident when a drunk driver smashed into my car going over 100mph in a 40. My car veered to the right and smashed into a tree and flipped. Ever since then, (which was 5 months ago) my life completely changed for the worse. I have had severe lumbar back pain and my PTSD has shot through the roof. My life has changed for the worse. I was starting a business and I completely forgot most of the information I needed for graphic design and I constantly get nervous over everything. I'm always irritable for no reason and I can't control it. I met with a neuropsychologist who said I have mild brain injury and I just broke down and cried. I feel absolutely alone and no one has any idea of what I'm going through. People think I constantly forget things and I'm annoying. I do my best to improve but I'm constantly insulted day in and day out and I have no one to turn to. Luckily my parents have been there for me from day one but I have absolutely no social life and I'm horrified of when someone drives up behind me and I freak out. It's awful. I'm sorry that you are all going through the same thing but I'm relived I'm not going through this alone. I fear that within a year i'll be completely alone physically and mentally. No one wants to be around me anymore. I feel absolutely helpless. 

I am thankful for all of your stories on here. I sustained a traumatic head injury in an automobile crash 19 years ago. At the time, I was deemed "lucky to be alive", although I have questioned that at times over the past 19 years. I saw a neurologist for a few years after my injury but haven't seen a neurologist in about 10 years now. Since my accident, I have been married twice and divorced twice. While I love people, I struggle with relationships when they get to a certain point. I have spent years beating myself up and have endured a great deal of depression and emotional set backs. I am a fighter and hate to admit defeat, but have over the past few years begun to realize that my "issues" are a little deeper than most. Afraid of being told I'm bipolar or some other diagnosis, lack of insurance, buried in debt and with two ex wives that would prefer me dead, I have not bothered to seek help. I have never had any thoughts of hurting myself or anything on that level, but I desperately wish there was someone who could just understand how it felt and not ask me "what the hell is wrong with you?". I met a woman this morning in her 70's that shared the story of her husbands brain injury that happened around the same time as mine but a lot worse. I opened up some to her and she encouraged me to seek out some support. It has made my day just to know I am not as alone as I have felt, and I am going to seek out a local support group. Thanks again to everybody on here for sharing your stories. Your life is very valuable.

I was in a very bad wreck when I was 18 years old. I was speeding to my friends house going around 90mph I hit a ditch due to it raining and it was windy. Since then every single day is a struggle. I suffered a Tbi along with broken bones. The tbi is the worst though. I am so strong willed and I refuse to take any medications. I push myself to the limits everyday, by eating right, exercising, and putting myself into a stressful situation so that hopefully my brain will recognize it and one day I wont have anxiety about the situation. I am 22 years all of my relationships I had are gone now, or they have changed dramatically. But I have seen major progress in every aspect. Though life gets me down almost everyday I still fight because love the person I use to be and I won't give up on myself. Anxiety is the worst part, if every situation doesn't go perfect my mind just shuts down, but I have been dealing with it through staying quite and being polite, and realIzing it's just a part of my brain injury and I will overcome it. Though life is hard and I hate it sometime I try to make the best of it. I take care of disabled people for a living now. I don't get paid much but I feel a little better knowing I'm not on welfare (no offense). If anyone has any tips on how to cope with a server tbi or if anyone wants to chat that would be great

I worked very sucessfully (not money-wise) in a career that I loved and then I had a accidental ABI (toxic exposures to solvents).  It is funny how since I can not explain how I feel or act to people to try to help them understand me, they all fall back on "you look good".  It is very frustrating. And all those people have left me.  I have two friends that have stayed with me and they do understand and accept me in my new normal but I do not see them so often.  I am home alone most of the time since my husband works.  I guess I talk too much when I talk to people and ramble.  I garden hard all summer and spring and fall when the weather is nice and I listen on my head phones to books that I will not remember but it is nice to listen to someone read to you and it makes the time go fast.  It is lonely.  Very lonely.  Friend leave, family relationships change so much, since I have zero libedo the physical part of being married is about giving my husband joy and cuddling and that is good.  I am trying to make my new normal okay with me.  But without other people it is very hard and lonely.

My brain injury happened at age 27.  It was epilepsy.  It went on for 17 years and loss of two wives because they couldn't take it.  I did have surgery for it.  I still have issues and no one to take care of me.  I moved from the big city to my little town because I thought I would have more friends because that is where I grew up and lived until college.  I have been here three years and no friends and depression and killing me now.  A town of 3500 and nothing for me.  What a mistake this was.  Nothing to do in a town of 3500.  Wish me luck to get out of here.

I had an auto accident while going to work. I fell asleep at the wheel and hit a tree head on at about 60mph. I was lucky to survive the accident but left me with a TBI and chronic pain from all the broken bones I received. I was in an induced coma for a month and told that I had died twice. When I got home finally I spent the next 5 months relearning how to do things but watching my family suffer from loads of bills I returned to work after 6 months after the accident. I had several mini strokes and still have tempral lobe seizures so now disabled. My wife at the time decided we should move in with her mother to help with the bills which was the biggest mistake I have ever made in my life. She told me just about every day when we got there She wanted her Old husband back and that I wasnt the guy she married. After 5 years of hearing this and marital counseling that she didnt pay attention to, I asked for a divorce. She asked me If I still loved her, but to be honest I dont feel love anymore. Yes I needed her, mainly as someone that cared for me and was there when I had siezures so that I wasnt alone. Now here it is 5 years after, I get to see my kids once a year or not at all cause they have jobs, and I have to pay for them to come to me which isnt cheap. I have two dogs, they are the reason I still am here. Is that part of frontal brain injuries? lost of the emotion Love? I would like to be in a relationship but worry about this lost emotion. There are days and weeks I am depressed and dont want anyone around me. I shop one day at a time and usually real late at night or early morning cause I have a hard time around crowds. Would therapy help me find the emotion again or is it lost forever.

I sustained  head injuries as a child from child abuse and a car accident and then as a teen I tried to kill myself and ended up causing more damage. I have 1 friend who I love like a sister that I met in my early 20's but if it wasn't for her i would completely alone. I try to go on online forums and find I run into the same problems as I do in person, people don't understand and they don't care. I always wanted to be a mom but that was taken from me by my own parents who caused me this stupid injury and I am depressed and angry and scared and alone.

Im going through this for last 2 years...

It was interesting to read of those wondering about having relationships or relationships that hadn't gone on long enough for marriage, and the healthy one leaving. I've already posted before (the 1st one I think) so I understand plenty about TBI and relationships.  More than I want to know!  I'm being honest in my OWN opinion. Every TBI is different.  TBI is hard on the patient, and very hard on the caregiver who is watching their loved on go down hill.  They don't understand what is happening.  Seeing the pain, or confusion, or not able to do what they used to do... Realizing that person had changed and this will NOT get some better (if it's in the early stages) or this is how it will be. NO MATTER WHATEVER THE ISSUE IS IN LIFE, relationships have backpacks., The interview is over and all the junk is poured out.  For some, they know they can not do it forever.  They hurt badly when they have to tell you, but they know themselves enough to know they can't do it.  So in a way, they have done a favor by NOT marrying, then going through all the divorce issues. 

Saying Goodbye is very hard, but sometimes it may save us more grief in the long run. 

Those who have been in a long term relationship/marriage is very painful. Hopefully, a type of "friendship" can be maintained (if that is wanted), and every thought has been put into "keeping your self esteem intact".  It's not about YOU, it is about what happened.  It's a shame, but you are still the wonderful you.

Therapy maybe needed, if you feel you aren't coping well.  But read up on Grief.  You will be surprised to find that grief is physical and mental and has very definite symptoms.  And I hope you have someone who will stand by.

For those alone.... I beg you to join groups, to ask someone to lunch, a neighbor, an acquaintance, someone who you feel okay with being together for an hour.  THIS IS NOT A DATE.  And preferably someone who is of the same sex.  If they ask questions, give the short version in a positive way.  When friendships develop, telling more can be the final test!:)  Those that fall in love, or choose to become close friends, are choosing you because of YOU, not because of anything else.

And there's the ones that are down right cruel.  Hopefully, you can get away as far as you can.

Not all have this problem.  I lost most of my friends, and it split the family because some put a time limit on my "illness" and "TBI" and I had gone past the limit of sickness.  The don't understand the issues we have or how it makes us feel. 

It's okay to have a good friend that doesn't understand, but believes you.  That is a real friend.  Websites that validate your feelings and issues are very helpful.  Thank goodness for Google!  Here are great site for everyone and I hope you find them useful. www.brainline.org (my fave)   FB: Chronic Pain Education for Patients, Friends and Family, www.invisibledisabilities.org (Fabulous), and many groups on FB.

When one is swimming up hill, it IS hard.  It can be done.  I would be easier with support, but we can drum up our own if we have too!  Life is about having a friend, not a spouse, to have happiness.  When our concentration is elsewhere, something beautiful occurs that is a miracle!  YOU become the miracle, because you have stepped out on shaky ground and begun to build your confidence.  Detour around Toxic people, just as we would Toxic waste!

 I bet you have more empathy, etc... than some who have not had some hard experiences!  Use the "gift" and you'll make a difference in many lives.

Cathy
This subject can not be discussed in a short portion here.  There are many things to consider, but hitting on the highlights. My computer is acting up, so I apologize if words are not where they belong!

involve pain, etc...  Check out the tabs.  And the most popular is

Rumors are ridiculous, but think of them like this:  Rumors are events that we did or something that happened to us that we weren't aware of!  We may learn we lead a very exciting life! :)