Healing Your Marriage After Brain Injury

i met sue in 1991...within 4 months we were fully committed to each other...some time in 1994, we happened to watch a movie about a young woman who had an accident diving into a pool that left her totally physically challenged...but her brain survived and she was able to communicate, speak, etc....anyway, a young man came into her life and loved her in spite of everything...i remember one scene...he took her to a beach, sat her by a rock and she talked him into going for a swim, insisting that she would be fine there by the rock, sitting on a blanket in the sand...so off he runs...then she fell over...and could not right herself...people came up but only crowded around her, watching her struggle in embarrassment...finally the young man realizes what has happened and runs to her rescue...i don't remember how the movie turned out...what i remember is sue and i making a pact right then and there that if ever any devastating thing ever happened to one of us, the other would take care of them, no matter what....in 1995, that horrible thing happened when an 18-wheel truck ran a red light and plowed into sue's little ford ranger...she suffered what they called a "closed head tbi"...meaning there was no outward injury, no cuts or skull fractures...she stayed in a coma for about 3 months...doctors gave us little hope of her even knowing us or being much more than in a" vegetative state"...god how i hate that term...sue is a rolling miracle, as she depends on a wheelchair now...anyway...i am the one that suffers from the ptsd now from just watching all the crap she has had to go through over the years...her memory problems protect her i think in a way, at least from that part of our lives...she doesn't remember the 11months and 13 days she spent in hospitals and rehabs...the hardest thing for me has been grieving for all the pieces parts of her that aren't there any longer while at the same time being awed by what is still there...yes, she is demanding, controlling...and sometimes i do feel like running away for awhile...but, i am so in love with the woman she is now too...her smile is my sun and moon...so sorry for the hardships but soooo thankful too...it has, at the very least, been a truly enlightening expeience...i have learned so much about so many things...i fear the future as we begin our 60's and feel my own strength compromised...i know we will have to have some help soon...

Same sad story here. My husband was in a car accident two years ago and hasn't been the same person since then. He is angry and irritable and his memory doesn't work right. He likes to blame everything on me. The most painful part of this is losing the man I fell in love with. He is gone. The next most painful part of this is feeling so alone because of it - he seems the same to anyone else. No one understands what I'm going through. No one to talk to. I had to start taking antidepressants after having enough of the verbal abuse so that I can be a better mother to our two small children. Life was never supposed to be easy, I guess. He has always stood by me and we are committed to each other, so I stay. He actually had a breakthrough of clarity a few weeks ago where he saw everything that was happening and he apologized for it all and I cried so hard because I couldn't believe I was hearing these words! He seemed like his old self for a couple of weeks after that, then yesterday he snapped back into tbi guy. I pray that he continues to get better and somehow manages not to hit his head ever again. I feel for you all and please know that you are not alone. We need to support each other. We understand this struggle that no one else can.

my husband had a fall at work 3m straight onto his head.. He was taken away in an ambulance, never lost consciousness and all scans came up fine. shortly after he lost smell and taste and six months later the behavoural changes began. He doesn't see any change, to him I am the problem, I feel like he has lost all love for me. to everyone else he's fine and normal. To me he is a different man, I am so lost.

I have twin temporal lobe lesions, and a cerebral event of unknown causes on top of that. I have been undergoing testing for the last few months. Tomorrow I will find out if the spinal tap showed MS. I felt so alone as my brain changed. My family and doctors did not believe there was a physical cause. I was persistent and the 14th doctor after the stroke believed me. By that time I had deteriorated markedly.  I knew four years ago that I had a stroke. It did not matter what my doctors told me, or labeled me (bipolar was one incorrect label), I continued to pester them, go to new ones, and more. The temporal lobe lesions apparently have caused the worst of my problems. I do not feel like the same person I was before, I have changed sexually as well, my memories are degraded or gone, my emotions are a tangle, my vision is skewed, my reading and writing abilities are better (had degraded to around third grade), but only because I retaught myself. I am able to express the nightmare, but so many TBI patients, etc. are not. Remember that your family member may be terrified, and unable to communicate effectively to you how their world has changed. So many people on here, clearly love their injured spouse with great love. You deserve a medal. 

I had brain damage due to falls, accidents and following surgery for my congenital hydrocephalus.  Our marriage is actually better and stronger than before my surgery. Every situation is unique.  It would be nice to see some more positive scenarios on here.  

Six years ago I caught my husband cheating online. We were trying to work through it but I could never feel the same as before and then he had multiple strokes 2 years ago. Now, mentally he is like a child. He gets frustrated easily, often can't remember things and has inappropriate outbursts where he curses. He is a grouch most of the time and I am simply miserable after 25 years of marriage. I can barely stand being around him but feel compelled to stay. I'm 51 and he is 57. I cannot imagine living this way for another 10, 15, or 20 years. Hope God cuts my life short because this is not living.

I can identify with many of the comments made here.  My husband had a lacunar stroke in 2011.  It left him with dementia and the inability to communicate.  His communication is better now but not back where it was.  He has trouble understanding some things and will say I don't know or because I did.  We went through a rough fall and winter and found out that three of the medications he was on was actually causing him to become feeble and have behavioral problems.  Once we removed those he has made great strides in his improvement.  However, with that said I can identify with having the responsibility of taking care of everything and the loneliness of not have an intimate partner to share my feelings with. Like many of you have said he is withdrawn and does not really know how to express his feelings.  The one thing that makes it better for me than most of you is that we have been married 44 years soon to be 45 in October.  I am not as young as many of you so some of this is not as important but still causes many nights of loneliness.  It is hard to see the man I married so many years ago but I can still love the silly man that God left here with me.  I cannot imagine being here without him.  I pray that some day soon you will fill the same way about your loved one.  Hang in there, I know it is tough but what does not kill you will make you stronger in the in. And for those of you with small children they can learn so much from your undying devotion to their mom or dad.  My children say all the time to people I hope that I can be like my mom if something happens to my spouse.  They all live out of state so I know how it feels to be alone in all of this.  Take help where you can get it.  There are several friends at church that connect with him and I have a younger brother that is a big help.  He is like a child in so many ways and, I am constantly trying to keep up with new ways to keep him safe and healthy.  It is something new every day and I still work full time.  I am working on a Masters degree so I can try to find work to do from home.  Maybe teach information technology some day.  I am halfway through.  God bless each of you and I am like someone said I would love to be able to get in a room with all of you so we could talk and maybe even cry together.  By the way sometimes crying and calling out to God in despair can relieve the soul in ways that nothing else can.  If I may suggest the song, "It's in the Savior's Hands" by Squire Parsons says it all for me and my husband's situation.  God Bless Everyone

My husband was injured 1 year ago February 1st. Every day is a struggle it seems we have moved past the physical portion and now I am left with the lack of emotions and caring. Some days it seems like he gets it and others it is like we never had a discussion. His short term memory is pretty shot and it makes it hard at times. He is very irritable and just has a hard time showing he cares. It makes it so hard mourning the loss of your old life and the man you married. I try to find those parts of him in the man I am married to now but every day is a struggle. Before the injury we were talking about having another baby and now he does not want one and is stern about it. I really don't have anyone to talk about it because our family and friends are split on their way of thinking. I have two groups those who are pissed because his behavior led to the accident or those who are just so over joyed by he lived through that they see nothing is wrong.

i know where you are all coming from and glad found this site.

Im 32 years of age and have a 14 year old Daughter. I was involved in a Hit and run Car accident back in 2011 i suffered a TBI to my head. I was hospitalised or 6-9 weeks and though i was gona die. I was released from car and went 30ft into a tree head on so blessed to be still here ... As i know lots of individuals would of died instantly ...

i had to have 98 stitches and 122 staples to repair the damage caused to my head.

had to stay strong and let the hospital repair me dont get me wrong it been hard for family members where my ex use to call me names on a daily basis because of the way i looked after the acident.

Did not care what he said to me but could of easily made me want to put an end to everything but couldnt do it because of daughter.. Had to bear the pain and come out of this as a better person. 

was hard at first coming out of coma and remebring family faces etc. i got through it hosital done damage that could not be fixed in the process of 11 operations.

really wish this never happened to me but it has and can not turn the lock back i take everything one day at a time...and bless god he saved me. It has changed me i know that as a person and don't think i will ever be the same. After the accident.  

When you go through a TBI the only people that you need is for your family and the ones that loved you before the TBI should be the same but seems they have given up all faith because of damage done. this is ashame for some people as the only thing that is required deeply from a person with TBI is love Its hard enough to cope with the TBI than with people against you and the ones that meant to really love you this hurts even more.

The best thing i done was get rid of my partner and for good.

I have tried to overcome the TBI but will always be with me till i die.

Been nice reading some of your posts and stay strong for those that recently suffered TBI.